I'm So OVER?You
Markeya Jones
Issue date: 12/8/08 Section: Lifestyle
What if you're close with your ex's family? Behrendt says, "That's his family. It's not for you to keep. Let them go!"
Ok so now you've broken up but have started second guessing yourself and wondering if you're just meant to be with him because after all he's the one….There's a simple category for that and its caller "dumper remorse." Remember why it didn't work. When a couple breaks up and time starts to go by, one or both begin to miss each other by remembering only what made that relationship special. When you find yourself thinking of him, change your thought process to remember the bad things that caused the relationship to fail. A person is only as good as their worse moment and when you remember the things that the person did to hurt you, it will help you get over him a lot quicker. Think back to the "backhand breakup" and wondering if he really wanted to call it quits or if he was just that angry that you ate his last French fry. Yes, starting over can be tough and seconding guessing the decisions we make can reworking things in our mind is normal. The Behrendt solution: "Avoid contact and wait for your common sense to return."
Now that you've broken up, gotten over him to the best of your ability, what's next? Do you want to be friends, can you be friends? It is possible, after you've given yourself some distance from him and allowed yourself to heal. Don't fret if it doesn't happen immediately. These things take time, just as it took time to build the relationship up; it takes time to pack it away.
If the friend thing doesn't work, try revenge! I know it's tempting but please don't. Spreading a rumor or trying to talk to his friends does not look good on you. Mrs. Behrendt says, "The best revenge is getting on with your life and living it to the fullest. Because you're doing it for you, not somebody else. Greg once dumped this chick and a year and a half later, he saw her on the street. She looked terrific and was with a total babe. She never called him after it was over but clearly had moved on with her life. That's the way you would want to be seen. Don't hound him with IMs, break into his email or hook up with him when you're both lonely at 2 a.m. hoping you'll get back together. Keep your dignity intact and set out for the new direction in your life. That's the best way to get back at him."
Another thing to remember, your first post-breakup relationship most likely a rebound and there's nothing wrong with that. In It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken: The Smart Girl's Breakup Buddy Behrendt says, "When you say to Mr. Rebound, "I'm totally getting over this breakup right now, and this is your lucky day because I just want to have fun," he'll probably be psyched. How great to get to be the "have-fun-guy" instead of the dude you're trying to pick out china patterns with. For some men, that's like winning the lottery!" The bottom line, MOVE ON! There's nothing wrong with dating for a little while before getting serious again, we're still young.
Ok so now you've broken up but have started second guessing yourself and wondering if you're just meant to be with him because after all he's the one….There's a simple category for that and its caller "dumper remorse." Remember why it didn't work. When a couple breaks up and time starts to go by, one or both begin to miss each other by remembering only what made that relationship special. When you find yourself thinking of him, change your thought process to remember the bad things that caused the relationship to fail. A person is only as good as their worse moment and when you remember the things that the person did to hurt you, it will help you get over him a lot quicker. Think back to the "backhand breakup" and wondering if he really wanted to call it quits or if he was just that angry that you ate his last French fry. Yes, starting over can be tough and seconding guessing the decisions we make can reworking things in our mind is normal. The Behrendt solution: "Avoid contact and wait for your common sense to return."
Now that you've broken up, gotten over him to the best of your ability, what's next? Do you want to be friends, can you be friends? It is possible, after you've given yourself some distance from him and allowed yourself to heal. Don't fret if it doesn't happen immediately. These things take time, just as it took time to build the relationship up; it takes time to pack it away.
If the friend thing doesn't work, try revenge! I know it's tempting but please don't. Spreading a rumor or trying to talk to his friends does not look good on you. Mrs. Behrendt says, "The best revenge is getting on with your life and living it to the fullest. Because you're doing it for you, not somebody else. Greg once dumped this chick and a year and a half later, he saw her on the street. She looked terrific and was with a total babe. She never called him after it was over but clearly had moved on with her life. That's the way you would want to be seen. Don't hound him with IMs, break into his email or hook up with him when you're both lonely at 2 a.m. hoping you'll get back together. Keep your dignity intact and set out for the new direction in your life. That's the best way to get back at him."
Another thing to remember, your first post-breakup relationship most likely a rebound and there's nothing wrong with that. In It's Called a Breakup Because It's Broken: The Smart Girl's Breakup Buddy Behrendt says, "When you say to Mr. Rebound, "I'm totally getting over this breakup right now, and this is your lucky day because I just want to have fun," he'll probably be psyched. How great to get to be the "have-fun-guy" instead of the dude you're trying to pick out china patterns with. For some men, that's like winning the lottery!" The bottom line, MOVE ON! There's nothing wrong with dating for a little while before getting serious again, we're still young.
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